10 Day Vipassana Meditation Course

So here it is … FINALLY. I am sitting down to document my experience. Enjoy!

It was exactly one month ago today that I embarked on this curious journey into the Joshua Tree State Park desert here in Southern California to a place called Southern California Vipassana Center and I had no idea what I was in for ... 

Here’s a little background info:

The term ‘Vipassana’ means to see things as they really are, and its roots go back to the time when the Buddha walked and taught on the earth.  He taught a very simple meditation technique that was said to clear the practitioner of any mental or emotional conflicts that they might have and give them true inner peace.  In Burma, U Ba Khin established the 10 day retreat based on these teachings and centers were established throughout the world as support and donations came.  The retreat offers anyone a place where they can apply the teachings at absolutely no charge in a safe and supportive environment, free of outside distractions.  This means they have a private room and vegetarian meals served while they meditate in a large and comfortable hall. 

At the end of the ten days, and only after people have experienced the benefits personally, they can make a contribution if they choose so that others can have this special experience.  As of today, there are 120 centers on every continent, including many in the United State. The 10 day courses are also offered in prisons in the US and other countries, with remarkably positive results for people who had no hope and were serving life sentences for every imaginable crime. (check out this powerful movie http://www.dhammabrothers.com/)

 

Here’s the lowdown:

When you arrive on day 1, you register, receive a course schedule and are encouraged to socialize, I’m guessing to get all of your chitchat out. All participants are asked to agree to five precepts that they will follow while attending the course.  These include no intoxicants, no sexual activity, no stealing and lying and doing no harm to another being. (that’s right, I didn’t kill any bugs that I found. Even the huge spider in my room. Yikes!)  They are also asked to bring no outside distractions such as cell phones, books or music. “No music? Nothing to read or write?” I thought to myself, “What have I gotten myself into??”  But soon I realized the intent is to fully experience what Vipassana meditation has to offer.

Each morning the course started at 4 am with a ringing of a quiet little gong (that was my alarm clock but others borrowed actual alarm clocks) and formal and informal meditation sessions until lights out at 10 pm.  That’s right – roughly 10hours a day of meditation. This is not a vacation. This is not an enjoyable, relaxing, spa-like getaway – this is hard work.

Here’s your daily schedule: (you get about 10 minutes between each back to back meditation session)

4:00am: Morning wake up bell

4:30m – 6:30am: Meditate in the hall or your room

6:30am – 8:00am: Breakfast break

8:00am – 9:00am: Group meditation in the hall

9:00am – 11:00am: Mediate in the hall or in your room according to the teacher’s instruction

11:00am – 12:00pm: Lunch break

12:00pm – 1:00pm: Rest, and interviews with the teacher (this is if you have questions)

1:00pm – 2:30pm: Meditate in the hall or your room

2:30pm – 3:30pm: Group meditation in the hall

3:30pm – 5:00pm: Meditate in the hall or in your room according to the teacher’s instruction

5:00pm – 6:00pm: Tea break (no dinner is served. If this is your first time attending then you’re permitted to have fruit and tea at this time if you’re a returning student you can’t eat)

6:00pm – 7:00pm: Group meditation in the hall

7:00pm – 8:15pm: Teacher’s discourse (you watch a dvd that answers many of your questions that came up that day and it also normalizes your daily experience)

8:15pm – 9:00pm: Group meditation in the hall

9:00pm – 9:30pm: Public question time in the hall (questions are asked of the teachers)

9:30pm: Retire to your room; lights out

This is intense, yes … but it really wouldn’t work any other way. You find times to sneak in lil naps here and there, there’s a walking path (as running is not permitted) and you make time to shower and hand wash a few items when needed. The breaks are truly appreciated and utilized with stretching, bending and walking to get the blood flowing again.

           

 One of the interesting aspects of the course is that all participants must observe what is called ‘noble silence’ for the first nine days. This means that nothing is spoken between people and no eye contact is made. This was tough for me, personally. The not talking wasn’t a big deal because if you’re in an environment where no one else is speaking, there’s nothing to respond to or feel a need to talk about. But not being able to look at someone and smile, and walking into a building and not hold a door open for someone behind me … now that was tough. Made me wonder if most people wander this earth in deep meditation or are they just rude? Hmmm curious.  The only exception is daily periods when you are permitted to ask questions of the teacher. Each day during the three formal group meditation sessions, we are required to do our best to observe concentration by not moving any part of the body.  That means not scratching an itch or shifting position when a leg goes to sleep.  Of course this was a goal and often people would just do their best in maintaining their fixed position and not move.  At the start of each session, meditators were allowed to sit on the floor, on cushions or on chairs depending on what was most comfortable for them. 

Everyone’s experience of the Vipassana meditation course is different. I was up bright and early (3:50am actually) to shower and start my day. But it was day 2 and 3 where I started to question my sanity in the form of “What am I doing here? This is sooooo not me! I can’t do this. It’s not working. Get me outta here – I miss my family, my bed and all my yummy food!!” But by the end of day 3 I realized that another reason for this silence is that if permitted to talk, people would compare their experience with that of others and this could cause them to feel they are missing out on something or not ‘getting it’.  Which was totally me, because by day 6 I realized that I was experiencing such intense sensations in my body that I would have terribly missed out had I actually given up and gone home. The goal is not to compare but to simply accept the experience for what it is, with nothing wrong or missing. 

Now for the actual meditation technique itself….

The Vipassana meditation technique is totally non-denominational, although it has its initial roots in Buddhism.  It is compatible with any religious background and does not promote worship of any deity or spiritual path.  The actual technique is very basic, simple and easy to learn.  It is a body focused meditation and which is why this was especially challenging for me.  Its purpose is to take you out of your head and thinking and anchor you on the present moment experience of the body. I have never been able to do this. EVER. I’m a therapist who guides my clients in this sort of thing and I myself have never been successful at it … UNTIL NOW.

You are guided through a really in-depth body scan where you begin at the top of your scalp and very slowly and thoroughly go down through every part of the body to the toes and then from the toes back up to the top of the head.  Eventually, the scan is so thorough that it includes the spine, the inner organs and every part of the physical body. I know you may be thinking “Seriously Robyn…. What in the world are you talking about??” But trust me, it will make sense once you attend a course. It will make perfect, beautiful sense.  The purpose is two-fold. First, one must visit and experience what is happening everywhere in the body.  Secondly, and very important, meditators strive to maintain an attitude of ‘equanimity.’ This word is mentioned many times in the evening discourses – Equanimity. This means that they must not make judgments about what they find and must not stop and dwell on any body part.  While doing the scan, many people find that they feel nothing or they feel a vague numbness at certain parts of the body.  They are simply encouraged to continue the scan and later they find that what was ‘numb’ is really alive with sensations.  The meditator is encouraged at all times to allow awareness to flow with complete acceptance. Complete acceptance – which means I had to sit there and not react to my knees killing me from sitting Indian-Style for an hour, I had to not react to the intense pleasurable sensations of energy flowing through my body by day 6 … complete acceptance and non-reaction is so hard to do but incredibly beneficial and satisfying when you experience it even once. Which you will if you keep trying. J

 This scanning of the body is repeated throughout the meditation session and even afterwards when one is going through their normal day.  The practice of non-judgmental equanimity transfers to other aspects of experiencing life and eventually becomes an attitude that is natural and consistent.  As one experiences events in their daily life, they have established the positive habits of openness, acceptance and non-reaction.  By not reacting to what is found during the body scans, we also find that we have broken the programmed habit of reacting automatically to life’s surprises.  We become more relaxed and balanced as we meet the unexpected events of our day.

A truly powerful teaching that resonated deeply with me was the idea of  “anicca” (pronounced uh-knee-chu), which means impermanence. This idea really made sense to me and expanded my belief in the Western “this too shall pass” mentality. Anicca is the idea that nothing is forever, the way it is experienced right now … not that pain in your knee, not that delicious ice cream cone, not the smell of lovely flowers in bloom in the Spring. Nothing … all things change. The pain in your knee may get more intense, or it may subside, or it may move to your shin. That ice cream cone will melt, it will be in your stomach and eventually it will be gone. And those soothing, sweet smells of spring may stay longer today than they did yesterday, or a nearby skunk may overtake them. Ha! You never know how our experiences will change (better, worse, different) but it’s guaranteed that they will change. Similarly our sensations and experiences will change because they are impermanent. Which to me is a blessing because impermanence makes room for experiencing other sensations. And all experiences provide something new to be learned.  Anyway, as you can tell, this idea of impermanence, ‘anicca’ has really stuck with me. I think about this every day and try not to react to pleasurable experiences with craving (craving for it to last longer or happen again) and I try not to respond to undesired experiences with aversion (hurry up and be over, I want this to stop) and just accept that what is happening is indeed happening and sooner or later it will change. ANICCA.

I feel like I could write about this forever, but the true message is that this is simply one tiny glimpse into my experience with this 10day course. I would encourage everyone I know to attend if they can. You may be thinking “Robyn I get 2 weeks vacation a year and you want me to go someplace where I meditate for 10 hours a day, don’t talk to anyone, and am just alone with myself, my thoughts and my internal world?” YES – that’s exactly what I’m saying. This course has provided indescribable change within me and I believe it could do the same for you. The real work starts when you get home. You have to continue the practice of meditation daily and you will start to see the changes in your life, through the changes in your brain that change your behavior and lessen your stress.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about this. Like I mentioned, there’s so much more to say but this is the main idea. If you have questions please feel free to email me (robyn.dangelo1@gmail.com) and I can do my best to answer them.

Also, here is a great website with more information regarding the practice, 10-day courses in your area and any other information you may be interested in. If you decide to attend one, I would LOVE to hear about your experience.

http://www.dhamma.org/

Much Love to everyone and remember… “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.  If you want to be happy, practice (self) compassion.” — Dalai Lama 

Change ... I Heart You.

Change. 

This is something that is constantly on my mind. I crave change. Change, to me, is movement – preferably, but not always in a forward motion, but movement none-the-less.

After I wrote my first blog, reflecting on a 14-hour day of inspiration, I found myself thinking up all sorts of change. Both personally and professionally, I was ready to make some changes.

As many of you know, I work with a group of teens that are “troubled” according to the standards of traditional public education. They have grown up in households where parents gave up on them a long time ago, they have attended schools where their teachers and fellow peers do not believe in their capabilities, and now as they approach their young adult years, they have adopted these beliefs as their own.

I hear their stories and inside I cringe. Every day I rack my brain trying to come up with fun games, expressive art projects and creative writing exercises that may provide them with opportunities to see life in a different light. I want to change the way they see themselves and their lives. But is this my job? Am I even capable of such a thing? Am I getting overly ambitious with these kids, as I’ve only been meeting with them for 2.5 months? Everyone in their lives, including them, thinks of them as “lost causes.”

This isn’t fair. These kids deserve a chance … shoot, these kids deserve MANY chances to see what life CAN be. Yes, they’re probably going to mess up and they’re probably not going to know what to do with positive experiences but they just might surprise people. Is this too much to hope for? Is there a way to start showing these kids that they truly do have a say in how life can be?

Recently, I drafted a 'Random Acts of Kindness' program proposal that I thought the kids might enjoy and benefit from. My hope was for the students to be acknowledged for positive actions they are involved with and not just negative ones. I was pumped about this idea and decided to run it by a few students.

After talking some students about my ideas, they looked at me with genuine eyes and broke the news to me. “Miss Robyn, we appreciate what you’re trying to do, and it’s really cool of you. But you can’t change us. We are who we are. And we’re not going to say nice things about other students – we just don’t do that. But you can try your idea, we just don’t think it will work.”

I felt utterly deflated. My heart broke a little and I just wanted to put my face in my hands. Part of me was relieved to get this feedback now, rather than later, in front of the entire room of students and teachers. The other part of me was disappointed that my idea wasn’t as effective as I’d hoped. Finally, the last thing that went through my mind was, “Wait a minute, these sweet students felt bad for me. They were exhibiting empathy – something that I was told they were INCAPABLE of feeling towards or showing others.”

So in my moment of feeling defeated, I was ironically feeling a bit triumphant. I appreciated their ability to speak honestly with me, and in respecting them and asking for feedback they were empathetic towards me. This was quite the eye-opener.

Just when you think change is not possible, when you think it’s out of your reach, when you can’t imagine it being further from your reality – take a longer look at what’s right in front of you. You just may be surprised at the change that’s hiding beneath the surface.

-R 

14 Hours of Inspiration

For my first post, I thought I'd share with all of my favorite people, an incredible experience I recently had. This post is LENGTHY and I will not typically write so much, but I simply had to include the highlights from this 14 hour day of inspiration. 


I recently attended the California Women's Conference in Long Beach and have been filled to the RIM with inspiration, love and excitement. I was invited to the conference by my sister Julie, who according to one of her neighbors, "Loves that kind of stuff."

Well I too "love that kind of stuff." So much in fact that I wanted to share with you, just a few of the unforgettable messages that I heard at yesterday's conference. I know that not all of you get excited and motivated by this stuff but I'm confident that at least one moment that I share with you  will resonate with you in some way. I challenge you to read on.

I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit how little I knew of Maria Shriver (and all of her passions) prior to attending this conference. Her stories were incredible and I loved how truly transparent she was about not knowing what the heck she was supposed to do when she became the first lady of California. The more she spoke, the more I respected her and this spectacular event that she'd created.

I was fortunate enough to have heard from many successful and truly extraordinary women. The theme of the conference typically revolves around ways women can empower each other and themselves, how to become more confident and resilient and how to become successful leaders in all aspects of our lives.

The tagline for this year's conference was "It's Time... To Be an Architect of Change." I found this to be perfect! Perfect because I sensed that all of the women attending the conference felt like that was a personal message, directly to them and it called for action. As I read this tag line, through out the day, I felt the sense of urgency that was connected to it, I felt myself getting anxious. Anxious to "change" something.

The event began with a panel discussion lead by Brian Williams (strikingly handsome and witty as all hell) between Phil Knight: the VP of Nike, Nick Kristoff: a 2 time Pulitzer Prize winning journalist and Howard Schultz: the CEO of Startbucks. The talk was titled "Men Who Get It" and I found myself laughing, crying and even reconsidering my tarnished opinion of Starbucks. Here are just a few of the things that I heard:
"You are the company you keep"
"Change comes from education and role models."
"We live in a world with a fracture in trust - we must learn to trust one another again."
Check out: www.girleffect.org - I'm warning you, the video is MOVING (maybe it will move you to get involved?)

Again, Maria Shriver surprised and inspired me. Many things she shared with us came from her phenomenal mother Eunice Kennedy Shriver, who was a pioneer in her own time. Here are a few things I heard from Maria that stood out to me:
Her mother used to tell her this when she was anxious about something: "Just let it unfold. Do what you do, do it well and finish it."
"Never stand in the way of someone eles's dream. Say what you think, but then shut up."
"Use your voice as you were meant to"
When you step out into uncertainty, it is not a disaster."
"Have the courage to live your life"

At a session lead by Jillian Michaels from the Biggest Loser titled "It’s Time to Learn How to End the Struggle Over Food and Lose Weight" I found myself more inspired than ever, while at the same time recalling my own struggle with food. Here are words that stuck in my mind:
"Eat less & move more - that's all there is to it."
"Whatever it is that you're struggling with, you CAN endure it."
"Awareness is the first step in ending your self-destructive coping styles."
"List the things you love about yourself - review it often and add to it as needed."
"Get rid of crap food in your house. You want to change your life - then start by changing your environment."
"Surround yourself with positive images of what you want, who you want to be and things that make you happy."
"Eat real food - no more processed food"

Diane Sawyer has alwasy been someone who I thought of as classy and elegant. And her presence at the conference solidified that belief for me.Here a thought provoking words statement she made:
"Every bird can fly faster when in formation than than they can alone."

Sandra Day O'Connor was surprisingly quick witted and quite the firecracker. As the Supreme Court's first woman justice and having served  25 years on the supreme court - she really was a trailblazer for women. She had quite a few interesting things to say:
"Don't react in anger - try to always keep your sense of humor."
"In every marriage, it's good to be a little deaf."www.icivics.com  (This was designed by Sandra Day O'Connor to teach children about the judicial system)

At the session hosted by Dove, titled "It’s Time to Learn How to Build Self-Esteem and Leadership in Young Women" I was entertained and motivated by the words I heard. Here are a few things I heard from Jessica Simpson, Katherine Schwarzenegger, Lisa Leslie (retired 6'3" WNBA player) and Jess Wiener (Dove International Self-Esteem Ambassador):"People grow on the outside and the inside." (Lisa's mother told her this because she was 5' tall in the 3rd grade.
"Discover a relationship with yourself."
"Give yourself the grace to be a work in progress."
"Be a storyteller for social change by encouraging youth."

Other information by individuals that introduced key speakers, but that I feel deserve sharing:
"Focus on what is POSSIBLE not just on what IS."
"We have the power to lead and to connect."
"It's time to turn PAIN into POWER - everything is precious."www.operationgratitude.com (Started by 2010 Minerva Award winner Carolyn Blashek)
www.begoodtopeople.com

There were many other speakers who touched my heart with their raw, unmasked openness, on stage, in front of 15,000 people - but I was simply too moved to write things down.

Mary J Blige got up and spoke about her own abuse as a child, the abuse to her mother and aunts that she witnessed as an adolescent, her struggle with drugs and alcohol in order to numb all that pain and suffering and how she's broken free from those chains.

Michelle Obama spoke about all the women's issues in this nation that she felt aware of and how suddenly she was faced with a population of women that she couldn't relate to, wasn't sure how they truly existed and began to learn so much about over the past year. MILITARY SPOUSES. She was authentic in identifying her ignorance about this group of women (and men), and the challenges they face on top of familiar struggles with marriage, child rearing, succeeding in a career with constant relocations (sometimes internationally), loss due to war, etc. Her speech was something that resonated with me as I sat there, feeling a sense of relief that my own Military Spouse will never again be deployed, that we will never be forced to move, that we do not yet have a family that would have to experience the loneliness, sense of abandonment and sadness coupled with PRIDE, that I once felt when Brandon was deployed.

Lastly, the Minerva Awards were explained and presented. I had never heard of Minerva, nor had I ever been educated on her importance. So let me share with you, who Minerva was and why she's so important to us today.

Named after the Roman goddess Minerva who graces the California State Seal, the awards annually honor remarkable women who, in the spirit of Minerva, changed California and the nation with their courage, strength and wisdom.

Minerva Award recipients have made extraordinary contributions in the areas of the Arts, Health and Sciences, Community Activism, Human Rights, Business and Technology, Motherhood, Innovation, Education and Finance. The Minerva Award winners also receive $25,000 grants from the Conference to further their work.

“This year's Minerva Award honorees are women who live with a deep sense of purpose and who are passionately dedicated to serving others,” said Maria Shriver. “These Minervas all identified problems and unmet needs in their communities and have worked tirelessly to solve them. By honoring them, we hope to inspire others to be Architects of Change just like them.” Each winner will receive a statuette designed and created by California artist, Michael De Medina. The Women’s Conference also gives each winner a Minerva Prize to continue their remarkable work.

So, as a whole, this 14 hour experience was both exhausting and exhilarating. I found myself inspired to find my TRUE voice and listen to my TRUE calling all the while being completely overwhelmed with where to start that search within the path and journey I am already on.

I hope you have been inspired, motivated and moved in some way by what you've read. For that is my life's ultimate goal ... To be an Architect of Change.