So here it is … FINALLY. I am sitting down to
document my experience. Enjoy!
It was exactly one month ago today that I embarked on this
curious journey into the Joshua Tree State Park desert here in Southern
California to a place called Southern California Vipassana Center and I had no idea what I was in for ...
Here’s a little background
info:
The term ‘Vipassana’ means to
see things as they really are, and its roots go back to the time when the Buddha walked
and taught on the earth. He taught
a very simple meditation technique that was said to clear the practitioner of
any mental or emotional conflicts that they might have and give them true inner
peace. In Burma, U Ba Khin
established the 10 day retreat based on these teachings and centers were
established throughout the world as support and donations came. The retreat offers anyone a place where
they can apply the teachings at absolutely no charge in a safe and supportive environment, free of
outside distractions. This means
they have a private room and vegetarian meals served while they meditate in a
large and comfortable hall.
At the end of the ten days, and
only after people have experienced the benefits personally, they can make a contribution if
they choose so that others can have this special experience. As of today, there are 120 centers on
every continent, including many in the United State. The 10 day courses are
also offered in prisons in the US and other countries, with remarkably positive
results for people who had no hope and were serving life sentences for every
imaginable crime. (check out this powerful movie http://www.dhammabrothers.com/)
Here’s the lowdown:
When you arrive on day 1, you
register, receive a course schedule and are encouraged to socialize, I’m guessing
to get all of your chitchat out. All participants are asked to agree to five
precepts that they will follow while attending the course. These include no intoxicants, no sexual
activity, no stealing and lying and doing no harm to another being. (that’s
right, I didn’t kill any bugs that I found. Even the huge spider in my room.
Yikes!) They are also asked to
bring no outside distractions such as cell phones, books or music. “No music?
Nothing to read or write?” I thought to myself, “What have I gotten myself
into??” But soon I realized the
intent is to fully experience what Vipassana meditation has to offer.
Each morning the course started
at 4 am with a ringing of a quiet little gong (that was my alarm clock but
others borrowed actual alarm clocks) and formal and informal meditation
sessions until lights out at 10 pm.
That’s right – roughly 10hours a day of meditation. This is not a
vacation. This is not an enjoyable, relaxing, spa-like getaway – this is hard
work.
Here’s your daily schedule: (you
get about 10 minutes between each back to back meditation session)
4:00am: Morning wake up bell
4:30m – 6:30am: Meditate in the hall or your room
6:30am – 8:00am: Breakfast break
8:00am – 9:00am: Group meditation in the hall
9:00am – 11:00am: Mediate in the hall or in your room according
to the teacher’s instruction
11:00am – 12:00pm: Lunch break
12:00pm – 1:00pm: Rest, and interviews with the teacher (this is
if you have questions)
1:00pm – 2:30pm: Meditate in the hall or your room
2:30pm – 3:30pm: Group meditation in the hall
3:30pm – 5:00pm: Meditate in the hall or in your room according
to the teacher’s instruction
5:00pm – 6:00pm: Tea break (no
dinner is served. If this is your first time attending then you’re permitted to
have fruit and tea at this time if you’re a returning student you can’t eat)
6:00pm – 7:00pm: Group meditation
in the hall
7:00pm – 8:15pm: Teacher’s
discourse (you watch a dvd that answers many of your questions that came up
that day and it also normalizes your daily experience)
8:15pm – 9:00pm: Group meditation
in the hall
9:00pm – 9:30pm: Public question
time in the hall (questions are asked of the teachers)
9:30pm: Retire to your room;
lights out
This is intense, yes … but it
really wouldn’t work any other way. You find times to sneak in lil naps here
and there, there’s a walking path (as running is not permitted) and you make
time to shower and hand wash a few items when needed. The breaks are truly
appreciated and utilized with stretching, bending and walking to get the blood
flowing again.
One of the interesting aspects of the course is that all
participants must observe what is called ‘noble silence’ for the first nine
days. This means that nothing is spoken between people and no eye contact is
made. This was tough for me, personally. The not talking wasn’t a big deal
because if you’re in an environment where no one else is speaking, there’s
nothing to respond to or feel a need to talk about. But not being able to look
at someone and smile, and walking into a building and not hold a door open for
someone behind me … now that was tough. Made me wonder if most people wander
this earth in deep meditation or are they just rude? Hmmm curious. The only exception is daily periods
when you are permitted to ask questions of the teacher. Each day during the
three formal group meditation sessions, we are required to do our best to
observe concentration by not moving any part of the body. That means not scratching an itch or
shifting position when a leg goes to sleep. Of course this was a goal and often people would just do
their best in maintaining their fixed position and not move. At the start of each session,
meditators were allowed to sit on the floor, on cushions or on chairs depending
on what was most comfortable for them.
Everyone’s experience of the
Vipassana meditation course is different. I was up bright and early (3:50am
actually) to shower and start my day. But it was day 2 and 3 where I started to
question my sanity in the form of “What am I doing here? This is sooooo not me!
I can’t do this. It’s not working. Get me outta here – I miss my family, my bed
and all my yummy food!!” But by the end of day 3 I realized that another reason
for this silence is that if permitted to talk, people would compare their experience
with that of others and this could cause them to feel they are missing out on
something or not ‘getting it’.
Which was totally me, because by day 6 I realized that I was
experiencing such intense sensations in my body that I would have terribly missed
out had I actually given up and gone home. The goal is not to compare but to
simply accept the experience for what it is, with nothing wrong or
missing.
Now for the actual
meditation technique itself….
The Vipassana meditation
technique is totally non-denominational, although it has its initial roots in
Buddhism. It is compatible with
any religious background and does not promote worship of any deity or spiritual
path. The actual technique is very
basic, simple and easy to learn.
It is a body focused meditation and which is why this was especially
challenging for me. Its purpose is
to take you out of your head and thinking and anchor you on the present moment
experience of the body. I have never been able to do this. EVER. I’m a
therapist who guides my clients in this sort of thing and I myself have never
been successful at it … UNTIL NOW.
You are guided through a really
in-depth body scan where you begin at the top of your scalp and very slowly and
thoroughly go down through every part of the body to the toes and then from the
toes back up to the top of the head.
Eventually, the scan is so thorough that it includes the spine, the
inner organs and every part of the physical body. I know you may be thinking
“Seriously Robyn…. What in the world are you talking about??” But trust me, it
will make sense once you attend a course. It will make perfect, beautiful
sense. The purpose is two-fold.
First, one must visit and experience what is happening everywhere in the
body. Secondly, and very
important, meditators strive to maintain an attitude of ‘equanimity.’ This word
is mentioned many times in the evening discourses – Equanimity. This means that
they must not make judgments about what they find and must not stop and dwell
on any body part. While doing the
scan, many people find that they feel nothing or they feel a vague numbness at
certain parts of the body. They
are simply encouraged to continue the scan and later they find that what was
‘numb’ is really alive with sensations.
The meditator is encouraged at all times to allow awareness to flow with
complete acceptance. Complete acceptance – which means I had to sit there and
not react to my knees killing me from sitting Indian-Style for an hour, I had
to not react to the intense pleasurable sensations of energy flowing through my
body by day 6 … complete acceptance and non-reaction is so hard to do but
incredibly beneficial and satisfying when you experience it even once. Which
you will if you keep trying. J
This scanning of the body is repeated throughout the
meditation session and even afterwards when one is going through their normal
day. The practice of
non-judgmental equanimity transfers to other aspects of experiencing life and
eventually becomes an attitude that is natural and consistent. As one experiences events in their
daily life, they have established the positive habits of openness, acceptance
and non-reaction. By not reacting
to what is found during the body scans, we also find that we have broken the
programmed habit of reacting automatically to life’s surprises. We become more relaxed and balanced as
we meet the unexpected events of our day.
A truly powerful teaching that
resonated deeply with me was the idea of
“anicca” (pronounced uh-knee-chu), which means impermanence. This idea really made sense to me and expanded my
belief in the Western “this too shall pass” mentality. Anicca is the idea that
nothing is forever, the way it is experienced right now … not that pain in your
knee, not that delicious ice cream cone, not the smell of lovely flowers in
bloom in the Spring. Nothing … all things change. The pain in your knee may get
more intense, or it may subside, or it may move to your shin. That ice cream
cone will melt, it will be in your stomach and eventually it will be gone. And
those soothing, sweet smells of spring may stay longer today than they did
yesterday, or a nearby skunk may overtake them. Ha! You never know how our
experiences will change (better, worse, different) but it’s guaranteed that
they will change. Similarly our sensations and experiences will change because
they are impermanent. Which to me is a blessing because impermanence makes room
for experiencing other sensations. And all experiences provide something new to
be learned. Anyway, as you can
tell, this idea of impermanence, ‘anicca’ has really stuck with me. I think about this every day and try not to
react to pleasurable experiences with craving (craving for it to last longer or
happen again) and I try not to respond to undesired experiences with aversion
(hurry up and be over, I want this to stop) and just accept that what is
happening is indeed happening and sooner or later it will change. ANICCA.
I feel like I could write about
this forever, but the true message is that this is simply one tiny glimpse into
my experience with this 10day course. I would encourage everyone I know to
attend if they can. You may be thinking “Robyn I get 2 weeks vacation a year
and you want me to go someplace where I meditate for 10 hours a day, don’t talk
to anyone, and am just alone with myself, my thoughts and my internal world?”
YES – that’s exactly what I’m saying. This course has provided indescribable
change within me and I believe it could do the same for you. The real work
starts when you get home. You have to continue the practice of meditation daily
and you will start to see the changes in your life, through the changes in your
brain that change your behavior and lessen your stress.
I hope you’ve enjoyed reading
about this. Like I mentioned, there’s so much more to say but this is the main
idea. If you have questions please feel free to email me (robyn.dangelo1@gmail.com) and I can
do my best to answer them.
Also, here is a great website
with more information regarding the practice, 10-day courses in your area and
any other information you may be interested in. If you decide to attend one, I
would LOVE to hear about your experience.
Much Love to everyone and
remember… “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you
want to be happy, practice (self) compassion.” — Dalai Lama
