Change ... I Heart You.

Change. 

This is something that is constantly on my mind. I crave change. Change, to me, is movement – preferably, but not always in a forward motion, but movement none-the-less.

After I wrote my first blog, reflecting on a 14-hour day of inspiration, I found myself thinking up all sorts of change. Both personally and professionally, I was ready to make some changes.

As many of you know, I work with a group of teens that are “troubled” according to the standards of traditional public education. They have grown up in households where parents gave up on them a long time ago, they have attended schools where their teachers and fellow peers do not believe in their capabilities, and now as they approach their young adult years, they have adopted these beliefs as their own.

I hear their stories and inside I cringe. Every day I rack my brain trying to come up with fun games, expressive art projects and creative writing exercises that may provide them with opportunities to see life in a different light. I want to change the way they see themselves and their lives. But is this my job? Am I even capable of such a thing? Am I getting overly ambitious with these kids, as I’ve only been meeting with them for 2.5 months? Everyone in their lives, including them, thinks of them as “lost causes.”

This isn’t fair. These kids deserve a chance … shoot, these kids deserve MANY chances to see what life CAN be. Yes, they’re probably going to mess up and they’re probably not going to know what to do with positive experiences but they just might surprise people. Is this too much to hope for? Is there a way to start showing these kids that they truly do have a say in how life can be?

Recently, I drafted a 'Random Acts of Kindness' program proposal that I thought the kids might enjoy and benefit from. My hope was for the students to be acknowledged for positive actions they are involved with and not just negative ones. I was pumped about this idea and decided to run it by a few students.

After talking some students about my ideas, they looked at me with genuine eyes and broke the news to me. “Miss Robyn, we appreciate what you’re trying to do, and it’s really cool of you. But you can’t change us. We are who we are. And we’re not going to say nice things about other students – we just don’t do that. But you can try your idea, we just don’t think it will work.”

I felt utterly deflated. My heart broke a little and I just wanted to put my face in my hands. Part of me was relieved to get this feedback now, rather than later, in front of the entire room of students and teachers. The other part of me was disappointed that my idea wasn’t as effective as I’d hoped. Finally, the last thing that went through my mind was, “Wait a minute, these sweet students felt bad for me. They were exhibiting empathy – something that I was told they were INCAPABLE of feeling towards or showing others.”

So in my moment of feeling defeated, I was ironically feeling a bit triumphant. I appreciated their ability to speak honestly with me, and in respecting them and asking for feedback they were empathetic towards me. This was quite the eye-opener.

Just when you think change is not possible, when you think it’s out of your reach, when you can’t imagine it being further from your reality – take a longer look at what’s right in front of you. You just may be surprised at the change that’s hiding beneath the surface.

-R 

14 Hours of Inspiration

For my first post, I thought I'd share with all of my favorite people, an incredible experience I recently had. This post is LENGTHY and I will not typically write so much, but I simply had to include the highlights from this 14 hour day of inspiration. 


I recently attended the California Women's Conference in Long Beach and have been filled to the RIM with inspiration, love and excitement. I was invited to the conference by my sister Julie, who according to one of her neighbors, "Loves that kind of stuff."

Well I too "love that kind of stuff." So much in fact that I wanted to share with you, just a few of the unforgettable messages that I heard at yesterday's conference. I know that not all of you get excited and motivated by this stuff but I'm confident that at least one moment that I share with you  will resonate with you in some way. I challenge you to read on.

I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit how little I knew of Maria Shriver (and all of her passions) prior to attending this conference. Her stories were incredible and I loved how truly transparent she was about not knowing what the heck she was supposed to do when she became the first lady of California. The more she spoke, the more I respected her and this spectacular event that she'd created.

I was fortunate enough to have heard from many successful and truly extraordinary women. The theme of the conference typically revolves around ways women can empower each other and themselves, how to become more confident and resilient and how to become successful leaders in all aspects of our lives.

The tagline for this year's conference was "It's Time... To Be an Architect of Change." I found this to be perfect! Perfect because I sensed that all of the women attending the conference felt like that was a personal message, directly to them and it called for action. As I read this tag line, through out the day, I felt the sense of urgency that was connected to it, I felt myself getting anxious. Anxious to "change" something.

The event began with a panel discussion lead by Brian Williams (strikingly handsome and witty as all hell) between Phil Knight: the VP of Nike, Nick Kristoff: a 2 time Pulitzer Prize winning journalist and Howard Schultz: the CEO of Startbucks. The talk was titled "Men Who Get It" and I found myself laughing, crying and even reconsidering my tarnished opinion of Starbucks. Here are just a few of the things that I heard:
"You are the company you keep"
"Change comes from education and role models."
"We live in a world with a fracture in trust - we must learn to trust one another again."
Check out: www.girleffect.org - I'm warning you, the video is MOVING (maybe it will move you to get involved?)

Again, Maria Shriver surprised and inspired me. Many things she shared with us came from her phenomenal mother Eunice Kennedy Shriver, who was a pioneer in her own time. Here are a few things I heard from Maria that stood out to me:
Her mother used to tell her this when she was anxious about something: "Just let it unfold. Do what you do, do it well and finish it."
"Never stand in the way of someone eles's dream. Say what you think, but then shut up."
"Use your voice as you were meant to"
When you step out into uncertainty, it is not a disaster."
"Have the courage to live your life"

At a session lead by Jillian Michaels from the Biggest Loser titled "It’s Time to Learn How to End the Struggle Over Food and Lose Weight" I found myself more inspired than ever, while at the same time recalling my own struggle with food. Here are words that stuck in my mind:
"Eat less & move more - that's all there is to it."
"Whatever it is that you're struggling with, you CAN endure it."
"Awareness is the first step in ending your self-destructive coping styles."
"List the things you love about yourself - review it often and add to it as needed."
"Get rid of crap food in your house. You want to change your life - then start by changing your environment."
"Surround yourself with positive images of what you want, who you want to be and things that make you happy."
"Eat real food - no more processed food"

Diane Sawyer has alwasy been someone who I thought of as classy and elegant. And her presence at the conference solidified that belief for me.Here a thought provoking words statement she made:
"Every bird can fly faster when in formation than than they can alone."

Sandra Day O'Connor was surprisingly quick witted and quite the firecracker. As the Supreme Court's first woman justice and having served  25 years on the supreme court - she really was a trailblazer for women. She had quite a few interesting things to say:
"Don't react in anger - try to always keep your sense of humor."
"In every marriage, it's good to be a little deaf."www.icivics.com  (This was designed by Sandra Day O'Connor to teach children about the judicial system)

At the session hosted by Dove, titled "It’s Time to Learn How to Build Self-Esteem and Leadership in Young Women" I was entertained and motivated by the words I heard. Here are a few things I heard from Jessica Simpson, Katherine Schwarzenegger, Lisa Leslie (retired 6'3" WNBA player) and Jess Wiener (Dove International Self-Esteem Ambassador):"People grow on the outside and the inside." (Lisa's mother told her this because she was 5' tall in the 3rd grade.
"Discover a relationship with yourself."
"Give yourself the grace to be a work in progress."
"Be a storyteller for social change by encouraging youth."

Other information by individuals that introduced key speakers, but that I feel deserve sharing:
"Focus on what is POSSIBLE not just on what IS."
"We have the power to lead and to connect."
"It's time to turn PAIN into POWER - everything is precious."www.operationgratitude.com (Started by 2010 Minerva Award winner Carolyn Blashek)
www.begoodtopeople.com

There were many other speakers who touched my heart with their raw, unmasked openness, on stage, in front of 15,000 people - but I was simply too moved to write things down.

Mary J Blige got up and spoke about her own abuse as a child, the abuse to her mother and aunts that she witnessed as an adolescent, her struggle with drugs and alcohol in order to numb all that pain and suffering and how she's broken free from those chains.

Michelle Obama spoke about all the women's issues in this nation that she felt aware of and how suddenly she was faced with a population of women that she couldn't relate to, wasn't sure how they truly existed and began to learn so much about over the past year. MILITARY SPOUSES. She was authentic in identifying her ignorance about this group of women (and men), and the challenges they face on top of familiar struggles with marriage, child rearing, succeeding in a career with constant relocations (sometimes internationally), loss due to war, etc. Her speech was something that resonated with me as I sat there, feeling a sense of relief that my own Military Spouse will never again be deployed, that we will never be forced to move, that we do not yet have a family that would have to experience the loneliness, sense of abandonment and sadness coupled with PRIDE, that I once felt when Brandon was deployed.

Lastly, the Minerva Awards were explained and presented. I had never heard of Minerva, nor had I ever been educated on her importance. So let me share with you, who Minerva was and why she's so important to us today.

Named after the Roman goddess Minerva who graces the California State Seal, the awards annually honor remarkable women who, in the spirit of Minerva, changed California and the nation with their courage, strength and wisdom.

Minerva Award recipients have made extraordinary contributions in the areas of the Arts, Health and Sciences, Community Activism, Human Rights, Business and Technology, Motherhood, Innovation, Education and Finance. The Minerva Award winners also receive $25,000 grants from the Conference to further their work.

“This year's Minerva Award honorees are women who live with a deep sense of purpose and who are passionately dedicated to serving others,” said Maria Shriver. “These Minervas all identified problems and unmet needs in their communities and have worked tirelessly to solve them. By honoring them, we hope to inspire others to be Architects of Change just like them.” Each winner will receive a statuette designed and created by California artist, Michael De Medina. The Women’s Conference also gives each winner a Minerva Prize to continue their remarkable work.

So, as a whole, this 14 hour experience was both exhausting and exhilarating. I found myself inspired to find my TRUE voice and listen to my TRUE calling all the while being completely overwhelmed with where to start that search within the path and journey I am already on.

I hope you have been inspired, motivated and moved in some way by what you've read. For that is my life's ultimate goal ... To be an Architect of Change.